As far as "wanting them in your life"

By choosing to not love them anymore (and love IS a choice, more on this later), you give up the right to "have them in your life." Whether or not they choose to stay friends with you is entirely up to them, as it SHOULD be. You are not at all entitled to their friendship, their time or their support ... understand and accept that there is no little trick or manipulative way to break up with them in such a way that they choose to stay in your life. And you should let them freely choose to stay in your life or cut you off. Let them handle the breakup on their own terms ... it would be dishonorable to lead them on and continue to see them if you know full well they still have feelings for you. It is dishonorable and disrespectful to enjoy the fringe benefits of another's company while knowing that you cannot or will not reciprocate their feelings.

Love is a choice. Once you get over the initial rush of falling in love, you must actively choose to love that person day in and day out, which means putting forth some effort in spending time with that person, tending to your bond, and making (rewarding!) sacrifices for him or her. You might have to actively do some work and adhere to some guidelines to make it work. But doing work and contributing is always worth it ... think of how good you would feel if you worked hard to create a garden, and all of the soil preparation and daily tending has led to a beautiful growth of beauty and sustenance.

You will never be happy in life and love if you expect to always passively consume, passively consume, passively consume, and just sit back and reap benefits without doing anything. So much in our western culture encourages us to take or consume without balancing the benefit with a challenge. Being in a relationship isn't like watching TV, where you just passively consume all the time. Nothing in life is worth it unless you put time and effort into it.

What does working on a relationship look like? Asking your partner how their day was or listening to them, when you'd rather be doing something else. Thinking of them and bringing them surprises and gifts or dinner, even after you've become used to their daily presence. Making an active choice to serve them every day. Feeling good about yourself when they show appreciation for the fact that you've taken time and effort out to do something for them.

Maybe you've stopped loving your girlfriend/boyfriend for a good reason and they are behaving in ways such that they are no longer worthy of your love. Fine. The rules are still the same: be honest, be real and take action to sever the contract. The sooner you end things, the sooner you can both move on. 

There is no way to handle a breakup in such a way to guarantee that no one's feelings get hurt, and all parties want to be friends. That's just how it is ... some problems in life require you to face the pain, so stop avoiding it and just do it. Because it's the right thing and the adult thing to do. And you don't get to do things over in life — you have one chance to handle this correctly, and yes it will probably involve pain — but you can choose whether you look back on this and think 'I did the best, right thing I could do,' or 'I was a real jerk and strung that person along.' Best of luck.

[I did not write this myself but I largely agree to all of it, it's why I posted it here]